Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I tried, but the tirade just came.

So Brother 4 and (maybe) his wife are staying this weekend.... blah.

You know, dealing with in-laws is much more complex than I'd imagined when I was single... I imagined that I would marry into a family like mine but more normal? Instead I married the most incredible man in the world, whose family was just about as opposite from mine as possible.

I wonder if this is what it's like to be a politician. DreamJob utilizes many of the same skills as dealing with the in-laws... conversing with people with whom you have absolutely nothing in common... trying to solve problems without telling people flat out that they're being fucking retarded... watching helplessly as co-workers (or co-family members) do things that are really going to screw up their lives (or the lives of their children) but being completely unable to say anything... trying not to let everyone know who your favorites are (and aren't).

Examples:

-I have an absolutely BRILLIANT niece but am forced to give her the same amount of attention/affection/presents because my other piece-of-shit-whiny-junior-whore niece would be very vocal about it if she noticed.

-The children of Brother 1 are *excessively* small for their age... the parents have recently started lamenting this, and each time I have to choke back the exclamation, "IT IS BECAUSE YOU FEED THEM NOTHING BUT CHIPS AND SODA, YOU DUMB FUCKS!!! IT IS BECAUSE THE ONLY PHYSICAL ACTIVITY THEY GET IS A HAND WORKOUT FROM PLAYING FUCKING VIDEO GAMES ALL FUCKING DAY LONG!!! FUCK!!!!" (that last fuck there was just for good measure)

-When my father-in-law starts bitching about his current situation (which, thankfully, he seems to be refraining from lately), I want to tell him to grow some balls and stop blaming his own situation on others and just own the damn thing. I want to tell him about my dying father who is twenty years younger than him... who is one of the best men ever, who sacrificed his own wants and pursuits to take care of his children and his dying wife. I want to tell him that he has his health and that even if he died today, he still will outlive my father, who doesn't have even twenty years left. How he has scores of grandchildren while my parents will probably never meet my children.


I guess I'm just extra twitchy at the thought of Wife 4 coming to stay. I'm afraid when she starts in on her ultra-Mormonism that I won't be able to hold back any longer, that I'll unleash a nasty, ugly tirade on her and make things all horrible for a very long time.

When I was in high school, I was a very unpleasant person. I am frankly shocked that I had any friends during that time, and that any of them still speak to me. (Thank you, Abby, for giving me more chances than I can count.) I am no longer that person, but a little remnant of her is still there, lurking in my soul. Every once in a while, she wants to rear her angry head.

It scares me.

3 Comments:

Blogger Heather said...

I find that being an asshole from time to time is a very cathartic experience.

Generally, people are retarded, and they don't have a clue unless you give them one.

Good luck with the family.

7:52 AM  
Anonymous cheechako said...

Hmm. I'll give the opposite advice. I prefer fucking with people's heads to being an outright asshole.

You may have to spend equal time with the Nieces, but the quality of time does not have to be equal. And what about taking the Video Kids out to the park? Or serving only obnoxiously healthy food when they're around? When forthright communication won't work, subversive behavior may be called for.

And: I have no advice for dealing with intolerable families. Matt's is amazing, whereas mine...I have trouble spending more than a few hours with. Mostly I just get really quiet, bite my tongue, and remember that the best familes aren't always the one's were born with. Often they're the ones we choose.

Love you.

11:35 AM  
Blogger pengalin said...

I think I'm with you on this one, Ab... I spent a good portion of telling dick people that they were dicks, which sometimes worked but most of the time just succeeded in alienating people I didn't necessarily want to alienate. Even if they are dick people.

But I love to get all advice, it helps to have opinions other than my own to mull over. I love you guys!

2:10 PM  

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