Wednesday, November 16, 2005

I am a Bad Person

So I haven't posted for the last few days because there's been this ongoing drama/confusion and I haven't really wanted to take the time to explain it... it's finally boiled down to something I feel I can explain though, so here goes.

You all know I will, from time to time, still talk to the Ex. My motive behind this is purely selfish- he dumped me back before I knew Husband and caused me so much pain it took me years to recover (he would regularly say things so vicious that when he left I would be in a pile on the floor, sobbing). Yet as soon as I was dating the man we now know as Husband, Ex started wanting me back. I guess it boils down to "You want what you can't have" or "The girl you dumped is much better than the FatAss you wound up with" or some similar bullshit.

Anyways, the reason I still talk to him is this- I was so hurt and so rejected by him that I still find it completely vindicating that he wants me and can't have me, and also that his life as it is right now sucks. I LOVE knowing that he is unhappy, while I, on the other hand, am completely happy and in the relationship of my dreams.

Yes, I know this makes me shallow and selfish. Let's go on, shall we?

So the other day he called me to talk out of the blue, and as we were talking the fact that I make twice as much money as he does came up. It's always nice to make more money than your Awful Ex, especially when you come with no children and a hardworking Husband and he comes with three and a FatAss.

What does this lead to? EX JUST APPLIED TO WORK AT DREAMJOB.

Well fuck me in the ass.

This is where I really become a bad person. While gritting my teeth and telling him that it's great that he's applying, I turn around at the same time and basically ensure he won't get any of the positions he's applied for. He applied for three of them, two of which are in my department (and my boss has already promised me there will be no hiring, and at worst, only a token interview)... the other position, which works directly with me, I thought had already been filled... but as it turns out there were two open positions, and only one of them had filled.

So Ex interviewed for the job today, and I made it a point to run into his interviewer and have the following conversation:

Me: So I heard you interviewed someone I know today.
D: Yeah, would you recommend him?
Me: Not really. I know you need a [position] and all, but he's my ex-boyfriend. If you had to hire him I guess it would be ok, but if you have someone else, hire them instead.

Plus, the [position] supervisor (who is not D) and I are really tight, and she is going to tell D that Ex is looking to leave the state when he gets out of school (which he is) and that Ex can't stop hitting on me (which is also true) and that it would just be a bad idea to hire him. All of this guarantees that Ex won't get the job.

(Another example of his weirdness : he randomly told me this last Friday that he had a dream that he married me isntead of FatAss and life was so much happier because I'm not Fat and a Burden and Lazy and I am a good Lover.)

But regardless, I don't want to hear that "I-still-want-you" bullshit at work (although I do think it's funny how pathetic he is), and you don't apply at a job so you can work with your Ex. You just don't do that.

I still feel like a bad person, though.

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