Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Late Night Musings

"If I were the man that you wanted, I would not be the man that I am"

I'm sitting here at work, listening to the designated work music playing for background ambiance, and out comes that line.

So here's the question: how many relationships can be described by that concept? It seems like the vast majority of the ones I've lived/witnessed do. Unconditional love seems to be something of an enigma, some kind of illusive thing that so few ever manage to capture.

My relationships in the past, especially my relationship with EvilEx, was definitely in that category. I spent the whole time thinking that if I could be good enough, he would change into the man that I wanted. What a fallacy.

What Husband taught me is this: don't go into/continue a relationship if you find yourself thinking "If only they'd change this or this". When you start dating someone, take a long, hard look at their flaws and ask yourself, "Can I live with these flaws, assuming this person will never change them?" If the answer is no, leave while you can before it starts to get too painful.

I am not the perfect woman, and my husband is not the perfect man. But we've taken stock of our flaws and have accepted them (it's funny that once you accept a flaw it seems that it starts to work itself out of your personality.... but that's for another late night musing), and we know what to expect. Since we don't have any unreasonable expectations of each other, we are deliriously happy- because our life together never disappoints us. Plus we never have to put up a charade. I am lucky beyond my ability to comprehend.

To me, that is what love is. Finding the person who will love you, warts and all.


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