Saturday, September 17, 2005

Car - Ramble - Love

Ah, new car.

I love our new car. It's going to let us go places we couldn't before. It's going to let me drive in snow in complete safety. It's going to get a snowboard rack on top of it.

It's going to get me all sorts of funny looks whne I drive it around. The whole damned surplus of alpha-males here in Provo will look at me funny. Me, as a woman, driving a 4-wheel drive vehicle. One with a lift and a roof rack. One that means I go places and do things that "most girls" don't.

I laugh when I see those looks. When did men start expecting that women are nothing more than Stepfords?

Yes, I think I look sexy in a short skirt, and I like looking sexy on occasion. I'm also comfortable up to my waist in mucky standing water/shit, trying to muscle my way through a canyon while leaving my own blood on the walls. I'll do my hair and makeup all fancy when I'm in the mood. I'll be grubby and work on my car when I'm in the mood. I don't give a shit what other people think. "Oh, you should dress up more for your husband."

Well, if I dressed up more for my husband, if I became the stereotypical high-maintencance girl, I wouldn't be the person he wants to be with.

I climb, I sing, I snowboard, I play several instruments badly, I love to read, I work with power tools when I get the chance, I love to bake and cook. I cry during chick flicks, I'm strong when faced with the impending deaths of my parents. I can pick my sister-in-law up out of a canyon using one hand, I decorate cakes. I am equal with my husband, I want to have children someday and stay home and raise them. I love it when Husband is tender with me, I love it when we have rough, dirty sex. I believe in a God who loves me and everyone else the same. I am a slob. I am smart enough to be anything I want to be, but I will choose the field I work in based on what I enjoy doing, not on what I "should be doing with a mind like that".

I am not afraid to make mistakes or learn new things. I am not afraid to be wrong.

I am me. And there is more to me than anyone knows.

Except my husband. I'd like to end this ramble by thanking him. You saw exactly who I am, and you loved me for it, more than I could ever have imagined. You love me and my weaknesses. You love me and my needs. From you, I have never felt shame- even in my darkest, deepest moments of despair. I can bear my soul to you with no degree of fear.

Because you see who I am. And you love me. The real me. And that has allowed me to be the real me.

I love you.


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