Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Run! The herd is STAMPEDING!!!!

Last night, we discovered we've bit off far more than we can chew.

While taking my sister to see our new apartment, we experienced what at first we thought was an earthquake. But since earthquakes don't last for hours at a time, we figured it must just be a herd of stampeding buffalo. But then the question was posed: how does a herd of stampeding buffalo make it into the second story of a house?

Well, apparently the earthquake/buffalo is simply the little bastard children of our landlord, running around and jumping as hard as they can on the slate tile above our heads.

HOLY SHIT. I have lived in basement apartments before. I've lived in apartments on MIDDLE floors before where you get the noise from BOTH ends. I have NEVER, EVER heard noise like I did yesterday in our new apartment, not ever.

Our goal in moving somewhere rural was QUIET. Not stampeding buffalo-children.

Anyhow, the entire apartment has sound-proofing problems. As we were sitting there, we could hear the people above us talking, and even at one point heard their microwave *ding*. Granted, much of this could be drowned out by a stereo or a TV, but A) Why should I have to be loud just to crowd out the stampeding? and B) In our contract is a "quiet" clause that states that we have to be extra quiet in our apartment.

Anyhow, we went upstairs basically to ask when the stampeding is going to end at night, and if it's going to begin very early in the morning on Saturdays. I can deal with the noise every other time, mainly because every other time I just won't be at home. But damn it, little assholes, I am going to want to sleep in on Saturday mornings.

When we talked to the wife, I wasn't my typical self, and I even refrained from asking her to corrall her little bastard wildebeests. We were very polite, and the first words out of her mouth were, "Are you kidding me??? I'm not in the mood to deal with this right now!!!" And she turned around and stalked off, leaving me, my husband, and my sister standing there with gaping mouths. I cannot even communicate in writing the venom and hostility in this woman's tone. I have had plenty of people be rude to me- come on, I'm from the east. I have never had anyone treat me this badly, specifically anyone with whom I'd just entered into a business relationship.

As the Monster Whore Bitch from Hell stalked off, she grabbed one of her children and told him to go get daddy to deal with "these people". So "these people" waited for daddy to come and deal with us. The guy is a nicer guy, which leaves the mystery of how he ended up with the Monster Whore Bitch from Hell, but when we talked to him, it was pretty obvious that our definition of what constituted normal noise and his definition were not even in the same dictionary.

This sucks. Not only have we signed the contract, but we've signed it and now it comes out that there will be guaranteed problems with these people. We were a little hesitant to go into the apartment at first because it's a bit pricier, but we expected we were paying a premium for the location. DAMN IT, I AM NOT PAYING A PREMIUM FOR STAMPEDING BUFFALO OVER MY HEAD!!!!

Anyhow, we came home and thought about it and gave the bastards a call (they didn't answer, conveniently) and left them a voicemail saying we'd had second thoughts and wanted to back out of the contract. We haven't even stayed there overnight yet, and since there's normally a 3 business day period after you sign a contract where you can get out of it, and we were at 1 business day past signing.... well, we figure they'll let us go. If they don't, I'm going to have to start spouting words like "failure to disclose" and "breach of contract". Blah.

So yeah. We've put a stop on the big ol' fatty check we wrote them. I assume they're going to call us back today. Who knows what will happen. My only hope is that the wife was so pissed off by us that she doesn't want us to be their tenants anyways.


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