Thursday, August 04, 2005

Confessions II

Since I've already confessed some of my flaws, here are some more:

I find Jessica Simpson somewhat fascinating. Her music blows chunks, but the way her waist is much smaller than her head is such a curiosity to me.

I also find Britney Spears' descent into whitetrashdom compellingly entertaining.

I sometimes wish I were anorexic so I could finally lose some weight. But not bulemic, because I can't stand throwing up.

Some people are anorexic because it gives them a sense of control. I get my sense of control from how obsessively I pick at zits.

Sometimes it tickles when I have sex, and I laugh uncontrollably the whole time. (Sorry, Husband. I know you don't mind, but I'm still sorry.)

If I could make it through life without showering, I totally would. That is how much I hate getting my hair wet. Thankfully for the rest of the world, I hate being smelly only slightly more.

Since meeting my husband, I find it almost impossible to fart or burp silently.

I love sushi even though it gives me really smelly gas, and sometimes I think it's funny to fumigate my husband out of whatever room he's in. (In retribution for all the Dutch Ovens, Husband!)

I am deeply ashamed of some of the bullshit that I said just to get attention while in Junior High. Especially the stuff I said in Gifted. Because I didn't mean it at all.

I once got all the gym locker combinations in 8th grade and trashed the stuff of people I didn't like.

From when I was 12-22, I lied all the time to try to make other people think I was cooler than I actually was. That was before I realized that the only people worth any effort are the ones that love you, warts and all. Plus, putting up a fascade is exhausting. It's much easier to remember the truth than to remember what lies you told to whom.

I love being short because it means I have small feet.

I totally had a lesbian crush in high school.

When I was 16, I accidentally backed into some stranger's car and drove off because I was so scared of what would happen if I left a note.

I worry that if I have ugly children I will not love them as much as I would if they were cute.

I am really whiny. But this is no secret.

I am exceedingly lazy. I think half of this is because I'm fat, and the other half is just because I'm lazy.

I am lucky I married the most kind and patient man in the world, because I don't think anyone else could deal with me.

I love to spend money. Even when I know I shouldn't.

I am terrible at putting CDs and DVDs back in their cases. My dad would be so ashamed.


I would go on, but Husband just got home and I am going to go smother him with fat, lazy, farty love.

2 Comments:

Anonymous your husband said...

My confessions:

Jessica Simpson had one good song.
Britney Spears has always been white trash.
Anorixics are ugly.
Picking zits hurts.
Showering doesn't.
I always knew how cool you are.
Ugly children deserve less love.
You married a lazy person...
Who puts the DVDs back in their cases for you.

I love you.

9:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love you. You are my perfect.

11:37 PM  

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