Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Introspecty

Last night we went to visit our dear friends in the hospital, as they'd had a baby the day before. Their little girl is adorable- honestly one of the few newborns I've seen that aren't all squished and ugly. (I was one of the squished, ugly ones.)

Honestly, the experience was really freaky. We'd visited them two days before that, and no one was expecting the baby to come for another two weeks.... it's the weirdest thing to visit two people one day and then come back two days later and there are not two but *three* people there. It's like 'Aliens' except instead of a killing machine popping out of your chest, something the size of a bowling ball squeezes its way out your vagina. That is freaky.

So all this morning I've been thinking about our family plans. We were going to try to get pregnant in December, and then we were called to teach the three year olds at church. That was about the best birth control we could have had, as that pushed back our plans by years.

We haven't announced that to my husband's family yet... I'm sure my other sister-in-law who got married less than two months ago (she's already trying and wants to have 13 children... I'm not shitting you...) will be all sorts of pissed off when she finds out we've pushed things back. She already gives me shit for not having a child every time I see her.

When I think about it though, almost all of my friends with children see them as the greatest things that have ever happened to them. I want to be a part of that, to build up a family with my husband.... to watch as my children grow and learn and figure things out like how to smile for the first time.

But then there are the people who view their children as burdens and resent them. These people, for the most part, weren't planning on having children, and are too selfish to realize that part of having children is realizing that you aren't the center of the universe anymore and that play time is over. These people are miserable, and it's tragic to see the ways their children are being more and more screwed up every day because of the things that their parents do.

I am secretly afraid that I am one of those people.

So I guess we'll see what happens. But one thing is for sure- I'm not going to get pregnant until I feel like I can handle what's coming my way. And anyone who doesn't like that (like my grandparents and certain in-laws) can eat me.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am definitely one of those people. I'm far far FAR too selfish to have kids yet. I need some more time to grow and stretch and figure out who I am before I go makin' babies.

Not that I have to worry, you know, given the circumstances and all.

*grin*

~cheechako

11:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, no kidding. Although stranger things have happened! ;) Don't ask me what I meant by that because honestly I couldn't tell you. Hell, I'm just glad to breathe after working and before going to my other job. Shit.

-pengalin

3:39 PM  

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